Patience is not my strength. It never has been. I recall stories of me talking as a little girl where I would literally skip words so I could get to the point of my statement. And I know there have been various iterations of that as I have grown into adulthood, as my family can surely attest.
I think age and my own self-work has softened that tendency tremendously and I don’t feel the urge to rush as much these days. Nor do I regret my impatience either. I see its value in my life. It was certainly a propellant and taught me some pretty specific strategic skills and I do love where I am sitting as a result.
However, I now recognize the power and beauty in an alternative approach, “The Pause”. Unlike my hard-driving, “disciplined” and striving ways that felt harsh and controlled, pausing feels kinder and more loving to myself and as a result, others.
Practicing the Pause, as I often direct my clients, buys us the time and space to align with our true selves. It gives us a beat to breathe, assess, pivot, inquire further or simply, formulate an appropriate response.
Additionally, when we pause, and use that time to honor ourselves, we take mighty steps toward building a profound trust and respect within.
Pausing looks like not answering questions, requests and invitations immediately. It looks like stepping back, shifting gears and/or directions. It looks like taking a period of time (3 hours, 3 days, 3 weeks) to assess our options and discover what feels in integrity with our values and what doesn’t.
But entertaining it can also feel really uncomfortable. Why?
When we pause, we are putting our needs first and that feels incongruous with all that we’ve been taught. As women, we are conditioned to please, to not disappoint and to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Because of that programming, our first inclination is to acquiesce despite the cost to ourselves.
But there are ways to do so that help mitigate the discomfort and help us feel, frankly, less like a jerk. Brene Brown says she spins her wedding ring 3 times before she answers. I use these words often, “Hmmm, that sounds interesting. Let me think on that and I’ll get back to you”. You may have your own method – and I’d love to hear it.
So, while my impatience and desire to never let anyone down got me so far, it also left me exhausted, depleted and cranky. In practicing my pause, I have found a kinder and more easeful way. Stepping back, taking a beat and a breath before I respond or act allows me to stay in my power and affords me a freedom I wouldn’t have otherwise.
So, if you too have familiar feelings of resentment, overwhelm and burnout, perhaps you try Practicing your Pause. I would so love for you to bestow a kinder and more loving approach upon yourself too. For that, my sweet friend, is freedom.