A few weeks back I led a beautiful retreat of even more beautiful women. The theme of the weekend was about opening ourselves up to Receiving, a very foreign concept to many of us. The goal was to offer an opportunity for my guests to suspend any tendency to give and instead only receive; to fill their own cups. In fact, that was the directive.
I challenged them for this weekend to only address their own needs and desires and let others do the same.
* That meant pouring their own glass of wine; only dishing themselves up for dinner or clearing just their own plates.
* That meant taking time that appealed to just them and not a consensus.
* That meant talking or walking or napping or simply being in the ways that pleased them without regard for others.
And if I am being perfectly honest, it landed like a lead balloon.
While I expected discomfort with this challenge, I did not anticipate the resistance I encountered. I had struck a nerve.
What I realized is that I had stumbled upon something so deeply insidious and rooted within our own conditioning that any thought of doing something different felt in complete opposition to identity and character.
But this brave and powerful group of women stayed the course and through it, were able to unpack the source of this profound discomfort.
Feelings of Belonging, Connection, Value, being seen as Kind and Generous, and maintaining Control were all felt to be threatened.
Can you relate? If you were asked the same, what thoughts and stories emerge for you?
The message so often internalized is that we, as women, are only as good as we give. In order to feel Important, Worthy, a Part of and Nice, we must give.
(We may even go so far as to judge others who do receive more willingly)
And oh boy, that comes at a high personal cost. We’re Exhausted, Depleted, Resentful, Physically Ailing and more. Giving more than we receive leaves us bone dry Emotionally, Mentally, Physically, Financially and Spiritually.
As we explored this deeper, we talked about an often celebrated word, “Self-Less”. Being selfless has become a badge of honor. We quite literally are upholding a quality that asks us to minimize ourselves. We honor being LESS of ourselves; smaller in order to please and not disappoint others.
What if we shifted that perspective? What if we embraced being “Self-FULL”? What if we celebrated our own nourishment, rest, attendance and importance?
*That would mean having inner resources to draw from, more energy, more creativity, more authenticity, more YOU.
*That would mean that we honor ourselves, our needs, our dreams, our passions, our care as much as we do others.
When we allow ourselves to receive care, aid, comfort, rest, etc. there simply is more capacity to give. When we operate from a place of “Self-Full”, everyone wins.
So, as we move into this season of giving and you find yourself overwhelmed, exhausted, and depleted, perhaps ask yourself:
Where might you be giving more than receiving?
What keeps you from receiving?
How might you show up in your world if your cup and your self were full?
What we learned after this weekend is that a deeper connection, sense of belonging and worthiness was forged when we were allowed to just be.
We found that we are valuable just because of who we are and not for what we do. It not only brought us closer, it left us energized and restored.
In fact, the more we allowed ourselves to receive, the more there was to receive.
That’s the magic of the season!