I celebrated my wedding anniversary this weekend. I have now been married half of my life. As I celebrate with my dear hubs, I also happen to be visiting my dear friend who stood with me the day we got married and it’ s feeling like a very full-circle moment.
Our wedding was such a fun and funny day. It was raining leading up to the big day and in my worry about it, my friend said “Well, we’ll wear rain boots and stand in the mud if needed”.
It didn’t rain, and the sun came out. Our dog was our ring bearer. We walked down the aisle to the “You’re The One That I Want” from Grease. Our vows included the promise to always dance in the kitchen together. There was a speech comparing our love to trains. Our grandmothers were front row, and my dad twirled me before he tearfully “handed me off”. Mostly, I remember feeling overcome by having everyone I loved all in one place.
So much has happened in these last 27 years. We have 3 children and have gone through a string of dogs and multiple addresses. We’ve lost people along the way and gained many too. We’ve felt deep sorrow as well as unparalleled joy.
I once asked my husband why he thinks we have lasted as long as we have and his response stayed with me. On the outside, we are quite different – he’s introverted, I love a good party. His zen comes from his fly rod and the river, mine from my yoga mat and deep conversation. He collects (hoards?) cookbooks but doesn’t cook, I cook but love a good beach read. I’m an overthinker and he’s a go-with-the-flow-thinker. His nightstand is orderly and mine is decidedly . . . not.
But here’s how he explains it: We’re like mountain climbers. We are climbing a mountain together. We have the same goal to summit the mountain with all parts intact however we may take very different routes to get there. Meaning, our overarching goals and values remain the same even if our paths and expressions in reaching them differ. Our success has come from learning to trust one another and our intentions, even if we don’t go about achieving them in the same way. We’ve learned to accept that any differences are not good or bad or right or wrong (although, tbh, I do think mine are more right and better😉 ), they are simply different.
This is a metaphor I have returned to again and again both personally and certainly with my clients and find it a good rule of thumb when engaging in any trusted relationship.
It’s easy to make others wrong when they don’t act, look, believe or talk the same as we do but if we fill those assumptions with acceptance and extend a healthy dose of trust, the connection and peace we all seek is waiting for us.
We’ve all got our own mountains to climb and dang, it’s so much easier when we can summit them together.
Wishing you all a journey filled with adventure, trust and so much freaking love. And to my husband, my favorite human, I am forever grateful for our love language of road trips, house projects, inside jokes and snort-inducing laughter, wild dreaming, and for still dancing in the kitchen.