Yesterday was my 28th wedding anniversary which fills me with enormous pride, awe, joy, gratitude and so much love.
It was also the day that our precious girl moved across the country which, too, fills me with enormous pride, awe, joy, gratitude and so much love . . . AND wretched heartbreak, deep grief and underlying fear.
In short, I feel the weight of it all and it’s almost more than one little heart can bear. As we watched our little girl drive away, my beloved’s arms wrapped around me, the heaves of his quiet sobs in sync with my own, I am keenly aware that to feel it all is the price of love.
Herein lies the beauty of being human – our capacity for a spectrum of emotions; ones that can be held and felt all in the very same moment.
I can be happy AND sad.
I can be proud AND worried.
I can be excited AND fearful.
I can laugh AND cry.
I marvel at our ability to hold and feel so very much but boy oh boy, it’s a lot.
To experience more than one emotion is complex. I get why our brains prefer us to stick to one feeling or perspective at a time. Otherwise, it’s too messy and confusing and as I am deeply aware, downright heavy.
We like things simple and tidy.
We like to know our outcomes
. . . have an agenda
. . . have predictability
This is why we reach for control . . . because the alternative is hard and scary. And maintaining control will certainly keep our little activated nervous systems happy.
➡️ Please review last month’s series for more on that subject HERE
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t keep our souls happy.
There is this nebulous space that lies in between “Either” and “Or” known as the “And”. It’s where possibility, imagination, innovation, beauty and magic live. It’s firmly planted in the unknown, the unpredictable and the uncharted territories – all things our darling nervous systems run the other direction from because it presents a risk.
But living in the absolutes of “either” and “or” is limiting. It asks us to contain ourselves and to choose between one thing or another.
When we think in only those black and white terms, we rob ourselves of this gigantic world of opportunity, bliss and connection that almost always lives in the gray; the in between; the “AND”.
When we only allow
One emotion OR another
One outcome OR another
Either this perspective OR that one
We limit ourselves from the full spectrum of what it means to be human and to be connected fully to ourselves and others.
It makes perfect sense to prefer living in the absolutes though, doesn’t it? It’s far simpler . . . if I can strategize, intellectualize and rationalize my way through things, then I don’t have to feel the depth of my feelings. If I stay in my head, I can avoid any imminent pain.
But friends, what I’ve come to know and understand is that our pain is directly proportional to our capacity for love. And to limit our pain means we close off our full potential for the richness that life offers – the connection, the beauty, the magic, the possibility and yes, the love.
However, to venture into the zone of “AND” isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires awareness, courage, trust and unyielding tenderness for yourself. It requires the capacity and ability to stay as hard emotions and thoughts arise and most difficult still, it requires us to trust in ourselves and perhaps in something greater.
AND it’s quite miraculous how much easier it gets every time we do it. If we can trust ourselves enough to know that we can feel all the feelings and stay open to wherever the journey takes us, the magic is unmatched.
To me, this is the true strength and flex of being human.
So today, while my heart simultaneously breaks and bursts with love, I choose it all. I decide to trust that I can handle the sadness and fear alongside the gratitude and pride.
To live is to love and I choose to live, stay open, and trust . . . accompanied by a healthy dose of tenderness in the form of a good long cry, a dive into my favorite mountain lake, a long nap in the sun, freshly picked sunflowers and chocolate.
With love AND gratitude AND care and AND wonder of it all and of you,
Xo Jill
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