Here in the states, we are embarking on our season of “Gratitude”. The Thanksgiving holiday is already right around the corner and traditionally, is an opportunity to give thanks for our many blessings.
It is one of my favorite traditions as well. Gathering around a table with those I love most, enjoying a delicious meal where we carve our turkey and more, carve out time for one another makes this the holiday I most enjoy.
I consider myself a pretty optimistic person all year round. In large part, I credit that to my personal gratitude practice. It’s not that life has been especially easy, quite the contrary in fact, but I am able to see and feel the gifts and take stock of what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown and the bounty surrounding me.
There is a lot of study around the practice of Gratitude. And for good reason. According to the Mayo Clinic, people who practice intentional gratitude see “improved sleep, mood, self-esteem and immunity. It is shown to decrease depression, anxiety and difficulties with chronic pain and risk of disease”.
When practiced genuinely and naturally, I believe it to be a direct path to happiness and ease. However, I worry that this “Attitude of Gratitude” has become such a catch-phrase that the pressure felt to always be thankful can be dismissive and perhaps, even toxic.
So often, I talk with women who feel they “should” be grateful for all they have or that they don’t have a right to feel dissatisfied or unfulfilled because there’s so much goodness or privilege in their lives. Especially when they see so much suffering in the world, who are they to feel anything but thankful?
What happens here is that we then deny any “real” feelings and try to jump straight to Gratitude and this denial, ironically, has the very opposite effect on our well-being. Instead of increased mental, emotional and physical wellness, it compounds feelings of failure and unworthiness, and increases depression, anxiety and physical ailments as well.
While genuine Gratitude offers freedom and peace, this pressured version offers guilt, and inevitably, shame. Not an ideal breeding ground for wellness!
In the interest of wanting all women to be known, seen and loved, I would be remiss if I didn’t address a shadier side that can accompany this beautiful practice of gratitude. We would be remiss if we didn’t address that sometimes life just plain sucks and when we busy ourselves with trying to find the “gift” or striving to find the “blessing” instead of addressing the root or feeling the feels, we never get to release it and we can end up stuck.
So, whether you are in your own season of peace or one that is challenging and you’re struggling to find the gifts, please know that you and your feelings are real, important and valuable. It’s ok not to be ok – you are not alone. And that there is one gal over here on the other end of her screen profoundly grateful for your presence and heart.
My prayer for you, my prayer for me . . .
If you’ve known me for a while, you have most likely heard me offer this prayer. It’s a Metta Mantra, or a Loving Kindness Meditation and in my home, we call it the “Owen Poem”. In love, I offer it to you and yours . . .
May you feel safe and protected
May you feel contented and pleased
May your body support you with strength
And may your life unfold smoothly and with ease